i've been sick for years. an internal disease churns in my stomach. it climbs up my body and it gets in my throat. and my voice dies once it leaves my mouth. i pick at my scabs when i'm alone. medicine has no effect. my body rejects all. and since all that enters is spit back onto the ground, all i can try now is to release the essence of my soul. watch it pearl on my skin. my power is gone. i must submit.

i would rather off myself than end up just like you. what a hollow heart you have to say you love me, then turn around and say no one will miss me when i go outside and die. hey, i would call you motherfucker, that's a bit too true though. tell me about your past. where did it all go wrong? how are you still alive? do you recall when you said i made you want to hang yourself? hang yourself then. what was stopping you? your god tells you that you should always practice what you preach. please stop buying my affection. you don't know what i want. it's for you to tell me the truth--something that you can't do anymore. just try for once. turn that lantern off, i am going blind. you once said that you know me more than i ever could, well which one of us knows that i wanted to kill you ever since i turned 18? no, you don't know.

date your friendly neighbor heavy metal vocalist. write off on your taxes. it is considered a charitable donation. when you break up, you'll be a part of his song. they are all just incels. can't get a date for shit, so they blame women or anyone not like them. thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who wants to be with me.

came into our life slithering. smiling grey-haired bitch in lakers tees. former special ops, 17 years of service. a real tough guy but you can't even take care of your daughter. died four times but came back again. said you shot an eight year old girl just to save burning exploding flesh, rushing through the bosnian war zone. "yeah i saved them all" no you cunt you killed them all. waterboarded in a dark dungeon, electrical current flowing through you. fell off your motorbike without a helmet. skull cracked open, man, i wish you died. what a waste. nothing was real, nothing you said. delusional john, fuck your egotistical power trip. a finger off for every woman you abused and fucked. missing four of them now, what'd you say? "oh they cut them off as payment." five months we trusted you, made yourself right at home. moved in without asking anyone. antipsychotics piling up on the kitchen counter. and you downed a bunch and hey, you're fucked. i watched you get in the ambulance, and your eerie calm was evidence. said your heart was bad, i guess you couldn't deal with the consequence. hey cunt, you're locked up in the psych ward. neat. you wouldn't fucking let go of the apartment key. changed the locks you could still get in. but that'll never happen cause i'll stab your many and treasured sin. i hope you rot. fuck your sweet cock. fuck your tiny stupid cock. your life is fucking meaningless. stop sending her two, three hundred messages. a day won't arrive where you'll be clean. one more fucking sound and you will never see again.

say nothing. don't give yourself away. it only brings you pain. paint a picture with their name. if they happen to see, they win your game. why do you want to deny when it's their fucking right, up to them to decide. drive up town just to say hi, in bremerton tonight, lay back, enjoy the ride. you'll never get your ride. play for the other side, just go from side to side. bet they haven't seen you yet, and they don't give a shit, no matter what you said. time does seem to pass you by, and they want you to cry. just hang your head and die. lie, they're stuck inside your head. and they were younger then. i bet that's what you see.

the sky is painted black. the smoke pours out the stack. one hand upon the heart, one hand behind your back. you train us how to act. you keep the fear intact. the imminent attack, everything is right on track. we are letting you get away (get away with it.) upon our plates to feed, the dying left to bleed. how much we really need, your politics of greed. the cancer takes ahold. the wolf is in the fold. our destiny's been sold. we just what we're told. we are letting you get away (get away with it.) your armies filled with hate, believing your charade, begin to suffocate. for us it's far too late. we are letting you get away (get away with it.)

"We get to create the ideal young man for you. I think we should call him Asahel, simply because the name is biblical and cool and bell-bottom bitchin’ and I like it. He can go by Asa for short, if you want, which is really buff and manly. He has an extra toe on his left foot, which he is thinking of having removed, and a large birthmark on his left shoulder blade, but he is handsome and intelligent and creative, and he loves for what she is, and loves her even more for what she is not. Try to write a paragraph of an imaginary scenario in which you meet him. After that, I get to write the second." was it a cycle? was it taught? was it a lightbulb turning on? i know what you did. i know what it looks like. takes the mind of a monster to see this through your eyes. 'hey, we didn't need another tent. it's just a little hiking trip. all she wanted was some extra credit. it's just a little forehead kiss.' you wanted to play house, you wanted to play doctor. get her head in your mouth and get off on the power. you were a father to virgin eyes. she never noticed your poison lies, nicolay. the pride of a lion in a media circus, and his jaws surround a live wire. he will bite down if they get too close, if they ruined his life the way he ruined little ******. she thought he was doing just fine, it's been long enough. she'll see. the girls loved you, didn't they? well boy, i wonder why. you were just too good at your job. they were groomed to take your side. st. augustine's pears lay rotting in your kitchen. do you bite into their blackened flesh, or do you throw it at the pig who stole it? i see my father and every man who's feigning innocence all part of his plan. nicolay. ephebophiles becoming teachers.